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Table scraps.. SSION’s American Dream

February 6, 2010 · Leave a Comment

When I was preparing to interview Cody Critcheloe, brainchild of the band SSION and the film BOY, I didn’t exactly know what to expect from the unpredictable, sex-charged performer.

SSION's BOY is currently being screened in LA.

That’s actually a complete lie. I went into my phone interview with Critcheloe, meant to preview his band’s New Year’s Eve appearance at Berlin Nightclub, feeling prepared for pretty much anything. I’d seen all the videos, read other reviews and caught up on the performer’s blog and Twitter – an increasingly interesting source for question ideas with public figure-types.

So, when I called Critcheloe at 11 a.m. just a few days after Christmas, I launched confidently into asking the performer about his stage show, working with Peaches, touring with Gossip and being a “lesbian at heart” – clearly we had a nice little bond going, at least as good of one you could expect from a half-hour-long interview.

Eventually, I’d asked Critcheloe what he made of the (then recent) controversy another black-eyeliner-wearer, one Adam Lambert, had encountered – a topic I’m currently touching on in a longer piece that should be out next week. While some of the conversation that followed made it to the final story, the bulk of it did not.

Here’s what went down somewhere between his passing me off to his “girlfriend,” whom I talked to for a few minutes, and the somewhat-fragmented stream of consciousness brought into action by my question. Somewhere along the line we went from American Idol to Critcheloe’s own American Dream.

Cody Critcheloe: It seems like whenever there are extravagant gay male pop stars – someone like Boy George – it’s shocking to people, and they say, “He’s such a fag.” And no one picked up on it! Even my dad loved Boy George growing up … But I think it’s different for Adam Lambert because he chose the route of American Idol as his path. You have a whole different audience looking at you and critiquing you. He set himself up for being abused. It’d be different if he stated out in shitting nightclubs and worked his way up. I think people would say that’s part of his thing if that had happened. It’s sad.

An affirmative.

Me: How does your family feel about what you do?

Critcheloe: They’re not really aware, and I think they’re confused by it. I don’t go home and talk about it either. First of all, they’re not interested, second of all, why explain it? They know I make music and make art, but I’m not sure they know how it all comes together. Having people like [Lady] Gaga or Adam Lambert in the public eye does give them an idea of what I’m doing, even if it’s a really mundane, pathetic version of it.

Me: Do you have a day job that you balance with the band?

Critcheloe: I’ve been really lucky in some ways because I haven’t had to work a day job since May, so that’s been incredible. But at the same time, that also means I have to work really hard and am always constantly a bit nervous this could stop at any point … But I’m a really fucking shitty waiter. I’m shitty at everything but singing, it just comes to me. The goal is to work comfortable and do the things you want to do. That’s the biggest perk that comes with being famous, with more exposure comes the ability to do the things you love and be paid to do it.

Me: It’s refreshing that you’re more upfront about that than most musicians are.

Critcheloe: Well, I come from a middle-class family and I don’t give a shit that I’m totally 100 percent American. I want nice things and I want to work. I’m only happy when I’m working. I want to be creative and work on interesting projects. The only people who diss the American Dream are the people who have enough money to diss it. I don’t give a shit. I want a nice car and nice things.

Enjoy SSION’s video for Bullshit below.

Previous scraps: A trip to the zoo with Kevin Chamberlin | Dragonette and the conundrum of cool

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Give a listen to… 10 in ‘10

January 15, 2010 · 2 Comments

Though originally tempted to join the club of “best-music-of-2009″ blog writers, I decided, given the fact this post is arriving already two weeks into ‘10, to instead take the opportunity to give a shout-out to some of my favorite artist discoveries of the year. These are musicians who have graced many-a mix CD of mine and gotten me through a number of stressful deadline-meeting sessions. Here are 10(ish) of my new-ish-found favorites to given a listen to in ‘10.

If you like what you hear of these musicians, Google them, go to their show, buy their tunes. And tell them I sent you.

Mirah
Generosity (mp3)
I had to start this list with an artist who was really more of a re-discovery in 2009 than a newfound treasure. I must admit that when I first heard Mirah’s tunes several years back, I wasn’t overly moved by the folksy-woodsy queer jams. But (a)spera, Mirah’s newly-released album from this past year, is magnificent and has been greatly overlooked by many of the blogosphere’s lists-that-be. The album combines deeply personal lyrics with swelling string orchestrations and deserves to be held in the same – if not higher – company as some of the other, newer ladies-of-weird who shone this past year.

Local Natives
Wide Eyes (mp3)
These California boys are a very recent find, as I was tipped off by the Guardian’s profile last month. This track – off the yet-to-be-released Gorilla Manor – is the first track of theirs I heard. I was immediately struck by the wintry piece of harmonious heaven, and later impressed by their use of unusual, African-esque percussive rhythms to break up their beautiful vocal glissandos. Their sound is slightly reminiscent of Justin Vernon on uppers. On vacation in LA. In fast-forward. Or Fleet Foxes, but actually good.

Golden Silvers
True No. 9 Blues (True Romance) (mp3)
One of the biggest joys of no longer being unemployed – probably my biggest accomplishment of the past year – was the ability to buy music again, and my vinyl collection has since swelled. One of the first albums I picked up with my bits of discretionary income was True Romance from Golden Silvers, a band that belies easy classification. I’d already heard one track – the pleading “Please Venus” – via a blog, but the full record – which is a lovely hue of lavender – took my appreciation for the band to a new level. Their music is flamboyantly poptastic to be certain, but its psychodelic vibe felt surprisingly refreshing on first listen. Despite holding a certain retroness to it, their sound grows more addictive with each listen.

Bombay Bicycle Club
Always Like This (mp3)
Another Brit pop outfit that rocked my headphones this past year is Bombay Bicycle Club. This track, off their endearingly-titled “I Had the Blues But I Shook Them Off,” is particularly pleasing, and has become a staple of my frequent mixes made for friends. It plays well as a transition song between the opening, upbeat first-third of a mix and the more introspective, slower middle-third, indicative of the band’s successful combination of soul-searching lyrics (like “I’m not whole / I’m not whole / Oh, you waste it all”) with undeniably catchy instrumentation. Other tracks on their debut go into unexpected, more experimental directions, proving this is a band whose next move is never predictable. What is it about Brit boys and their mastery of the pop music machine – and my heart?

Ramona Falls
Clover (mp3)
Ramona Falls, the solo project of Menomena’s Portland-based Brent Knopf, at times feels like a psychiatrist’s exercise. But that’s OK. Intuit, the debut album looking inside the songwriter’s head, is not exactly an optimistic creation, but proved both ambitious and delicious to this listener’s ear. This track is particularly epic with its bleak lyrics -  “My heart wants just to know that it exists / My heart wants just to know” – and slow-building, then quietly-dissipating  guitar and percussion. Other songs bring in haunting piano and plenty of unusual structures. Even if he could be in need of a good pharmacist, Knopf is clearly a musical prodigy, and his debut solo effort is remarkable.

Lightning Dust
Dreamer (mp3)
Speaking of the structure of a mix CD – this is the portion of the list dedicated to those aforementioned introspective songs that usually compromise the middle section. And the Canadian band Lightning Dust could not fit better anywhere else on this list. I was first clued into the project of Black Mountain’s Amber Webber and Joshua Wells by Carrie Brownstein via NPR’s All Songs Considered, and the hype she lent their music was clearly well-deserved. Their album, Infinite Light, is one of my favorites of this past year. The songs are laden with nostalgia, desire and a quiet sense of optimism shining just under the surface of their sparse musical creations.

My Gold Mask
Violet Eyes (mp3)
Naturally, this list would not be complete without at least one local contribution, and My Gold Mask are one of the hottest bands to watch in the Windy City. I first came across this duo after having a few too many vodka-sodas at the Decibelle kickoff party at Berlin last October. Playing after French electro-singer-songwriter Emilie Simon, the couple blasted into their set with an energy – and surprising amount of sound – that could not be ignored. The release party for their A Thousand Voices EP last weekend at the Hideout was sold-out and equally impressive. Her presence is particularly transfixing, similar to an early Karen O.

Clues
Perfect Fit (mp3)
Given this Montreal band’s previous roots – including former members of the Unicorns and Arcade Fire – it is not surprising that their sound is a feast for the ears, at least if you dig somewhat dark vaudevillian, cabaret pop stylings. Their self-titled debut – out last year – is another that I was surprised did not make more best-of-’09 lists. The album combines bizarre, often grim lyrics with song structures that land all over the map but never, never bore. So get a clue – har – and give this band a listen.

Ellie Goulding (feat. Frankmusik)
Wish I Stayed (mp3)
If you haven’t yet jumped on the Ellie Goulding bandwagon, you are, frankly, running out of time before takeoff. Goulding has found herself near the top of most Brit critics’ ones-to-watch lists in recent weeks, and the accolades are well-deserved. Her voice has that incredible quality that hipster remix-creating DJs and pop audiences alike fall in love with. Her EP was fantastic and her other endeavors – including vocals for Starsmith’s beautiful remix of Passion Pit’s “Sleepyhead” – have only furthered the case for her impending stardom. Her debut album – Lights – is out in March. (And this track features another adorable Brit, Frankmusik, who narrowly missed this list. He’s like Cher’s bi-curious electro-baby.)

Chew Lips
Salt Air (mp3)
These exciting Kitsune darlings from South London are also remix-friendly and more than ready to boil over with just a bit more time to simmer. Their electronic creations combine somewhat sinister lyrics with sleek production. They represent a lot of styles that are catching on right now, without being too much of any particular musical trend to remain enticingly fresh. This is electro-pop at its finest – keep an eye out for their debut album – Unicorn – out this month.

Cold Cave
The Trees Grew Emotions and Died (mp3)
I realize this Philly-based project – led by the former hardcore head Wesley Eisold – makes eleven, but I couldn’t bring myself to narrow the list down any further. And technically, Cold Cave’s sound is so derivative-at-times (see: “Love Comes Close,” New Order) that it nearly fits into the category of “re-discovery.” But this stuff – based in synth beats, feedback and distortion – is so solid that I really couldn’t care more that the sound may not be the most original.

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Table scraps.. A trip to the zoo with Kevin Chamberlin

December 20, 2009 · 1 Comment

Though I am relatively new to the world of writing about musical theater, there are a few patterns I’ve noticed during the past year of previewing and reviewing shows whilst referencing names like Sondheim and Fosse with ever-increasing ease:

First and foremost, when I get in touch with a show’s PR team, they usually hook me up with one of the show’s lead names. And when interviewing actors of such prominence, a certain degree of prudishness can be expected. When I previewed Legally Blonde, I interviewed Elle Woods, played by Becky Gulsvig, a very wholesome Minnesotan-at-heart who giggled anxiously when I noted the show probably attracted a lot of gay fans — “Yes, it’s awesome,” she replied cautiously. When Spring Awakening came into town, I spoke with Melchior Gabor himself, Jake Epstein (of Degrassi fame), who spoke nervously of his few seconds of partial nudity on stage. Such PG-rated responses really aren’t the stuff exciting interviews are made from, but I don’t necessarily expect actors to speak too open about sexuality in the first place.

So, when I’d been assigned to preview The Addams Family’s pre-Broadway romp at the Oriental Theatre, I decided to aim high and get a spicy interview subject, asking for 20 minutes to chat with the very-gay Nathan Lane, who stars as Gomez.

Kevin Chamberlin, the Broadway bear.“He isn’t doing press right now” – my dismissive reply.

OK, how about Jackie Hoffman, an almost equally very-gay actress playing the role of the grandmother?

“She’s very busy promoting her one-woman show … But what about Kevin Chamberlin? He’s great.”

Now, another lesson: Usually if a publicist needs to say how great someone is, they likely are not. But, running out of options and still hoping for a shot at comp tickets to the show, I set up a time to speak with Chamberlin.

And then began the research, which revealed the 46-year-old actor’s Tony nomination and noteworthy appearances in gay cinematic classics including Trick, In & Out and the farcical’s 2007 Broadway run. But, perhaps even more interesting than those undeniably important achievements was the finding that Chamberlin is Broadway’s bear community poster boy. He is a co-founder of MetroBears NYC and appears regularly at bear events including International Bear Ren and Chicago’s Bear Pride. How could I resist bringing these key facts up?

Chamberlin, far right, photographed with AF cast for Vanity Fair.And I did. Only three questions into our half hour-long interview, the conversation turned from the macabre singing-dancing family to the politics of being a bear. A good two-thirds of our conversation had absolutely nothing to do with theater. And while I couldn’t help but include some of the conversation that ensued, the bulk did not make it to the story’s final draft, featured on EDGE earlier this month.

Chamberlin: I’ve found it interesting to watch the bear community evolve – it’s like a social experiment watching the groups that have formed because of a reaction to another group. That’s why the bear community occurred, as a reaction to the muscle boy, hairless, self-waxing gay male stereotype. And it was a reaction to the AIDS crisis, people not wanting to look thin and quiffed. We wanted to look real and blend more [into society], to be embraced with the more masculine, real man look …

But it’s interesting, because now some schisms have been created. There’s the muscle bears, the chubs, the chasers. We’ve been splintering into more and more specific groups, whether it’s based on a fetish or outside activity like the gay softball or rugby teams forming … As more people come out of the closet, they find places to go and meet people who are like-minded. That wasn’t really the case when I was growing up and that’s what drew me in in the first place.

Me: Do you feel that the schisms are harming the community’s original intent?

Chamberlin: It’s an important community to me in how it’s very welcoming. And I’m hoping it will stay that way. As some gay groups have come up, they’ve become more exclusive, but it needs to stay accepting. And there’s new terms coming all the time. Redheads are orangutans, older guys can be silver-backed gorillas…

Me: And you have otters included in that, too.

Chamberlin: Oh, of course, otters! Who knows, the monkey movement might be on the way next.

Though I’m still not sure what a monkey is – a former-gymnast-turned-otter-chaser-or-both? Whatever the case may be, the moral of this story: Never turn down the opportunity to discuss bear identity politics. Even if it doesn’t get you free tickets to a Broadway production.

Now enjoy, this bear-related jam, from one of my favorite newly-discovered bands of this past year..

Download: The Antlers – Bear (mp3)

Previous Scraps: Dragonette and the conundrum of cool

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Amanda Palmer and inter-artist dialogue

December 12, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I’m a big fan of inter-artist dialogue. Whether it be between a painter and a photographer, a sculptor and a dancer or an author and a cartoonist. Even when working in the same medium, our processes are all different, but despite this, the foundations of creative response share one key commonality:  Audacious curiosity. And it’s interesting, of course, to see different artists’ take on the same words and ideas.

The idea of exploring curiosities is fundamental to why I enjoy speaking with and learning from artists. Though my field is technically scientific in nature, expressions of artistry have always deeply inspired my journalistic process in how it re-energizes my sense of observation and broadens my perception of the realities surrounding me. This is a world of sounds, colors and shapes more than a world of numbers, formulas and statistics and these things should never be left out of the storytelling process.

One artist whose work has consistently inspired and informed my perspective on art, journalism and storytelling is street-performer-turned-musician Amanda Palmer, formerly of the Dresden Dolls. I know I’ve spoken of her a bit on this blog before, but her work epitomizes these things which I am trying (in a very meandering way) to get at. Through her music, writing (her blog is a great read), she enlivens the idea of all of us storytelling creators as a global community in an increasingly fractionalized world. She isn’t afraid to try things that haven’t been done before and is pioneering what I believe is an early version of a new economic model for creative-types to earn a living doing the thing they love to do. A beautiful concept, no?

Palmer’s most recent creation that grabbed my eye is a music video she made with Michael Pope for the Tegan and Sara single “Hell.”

Filmed over the course of one day in New York City, Palmer pays homage to the Canadian twins’ fantastic song with an impassioned piece of performance from the streets. Palmer had this to say regarding the video’s inspiration:

“….i got the idea brewing when i saw some footage of tegan intro-ing the song at town hall in NYC a few months ago and talking about how she would pass all these homeless people in her new neighborhood in vancouver and feel that awful feeling you feel of frustration and hopelessness. i worked from there. some of the best things that happened never made it onto film, i wish you could have seen what i saw that day. it felt really good to run through the city at the top of my lungs, with an actual excuse that was (relatively) sane. i always feel like doing that. but i rarely have a reason.”

It’s pretty rad to see Palmer’s version of T+S’s experience.

And in the interest of keeping the dialogue rolling, via another expression of this love, cover songs, is a T+S cover of The Bowie. Enjoy!

Download: Tegan & Sara ‘Rebel Rebel’ (David Bowie cover) (mp3)

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Table scraps.. Dragonette and the conundrum of cool

December 8, 2009 · 2 Comments

OK, I get it. I’m lousy at regularly updating this blog. And even worse at consistently providing ongoing “series” (Remember “This one time I..”). But this time it will be different, I (sort of) promise.

As you may know, I do a lot of interviews with a lot of different people for the stories that I write. And quite often, due to space constraints, word limits or a piece’s thematic arch, terribly interesting bits of info are left out from the final product. And, also missing from that end product, are all the “hazards” of the trade. The strange, awkward, unexpected moments where a story source asks me to send pool-side, nude photos along with a link to the final story. (Yes, that really happened.)

“Table scraps..” will share those stories. Think of it like a DVD extra. Or surprise morning sex. Enjoy!

——-

In mid-October, I was fortunate enough, thanks to the fabulous people at High Rise PR, to interview Martina Sorbara and Dan Kurtz, the king and queen of electro-pop outfit Dragonette, for EDGE just before they were set to headline a wicked evening of debauchery at the now-closed Sonotheque.

Sorbara and Kurtz getting their fix.

First, it was to only be a simple 20-minute phone interview with Sorbara, just a fun little question-and-answer thing to preview the show and continue my dream of interviewing as many of the names responsible for the tunes constantly streaming through my iPod. I’ve loved Dragonette since I first heard a remix of their seminal jam “I Get Around” via a friend’s mix CD in early 2007, when the band was just beginning to take wing.

Now, they’ve released a second album, Fixin to Thrill, which is equally stellar. And, at least in my book, they are worthy of some major cred for their danceable, remix-ready pop gems. I was psyched for the interview, had done extensive research, listened to every track they’d ever released and thought my prepared questions would create a fool-proof golden interview. It would grace the RSS feeds of indie music blogs the world over and add ammo to my quest to one day write for Paste, Rolling Stone or [insert noteworthy music publication of the future here].

But alas, I knew from Sorbara’s sparse response to my first question that those things remained far away. Yes, she was sweet, kind and apologetic for her head cold… But she wasn’t giving me much content of note worth the quote during an afternoon break before her Calgary show that night.

The complete Dragonette crew.

Fortunately enough, I was able to chat a few days later with Kurtz, while he and the band sat in their room in Portland’s Jupiter Hotel (room 131 of this crazy tricked-out “boutique hotel” if you’re ever in town and want to soak up some of the pop brilliance). And this guy came ready to spout off, as we spoke for a half hour, twice as long as the 15 minutes I’d asked for.

Just after confiding that his wife had tossed the piece of “processed cheese” from her knitted hamburger (made of merino wool) in his face, Kurtz provided this answer to my question of what musicians he’d like to collaborate with. His answer was surprisingly frank, slightly bitter, but incredibly refreshing in a world of recycled agency-fed “talking points” and marketing plan-inspired drudgery.

Me: Who would you like to work with on in the future, remixes, collaborations or otherwise?

Kurtz: “I don’t know … I think I’d like us to work in another genre of music with somebody who can really teach us something new. I know that sounds really vague and whatever … But for example, I’d love to learn how to write a great country song. To work with Dolly Parton or Willy Nelson, that’d be great and entirely outside of our element, not that I even like country music.

Me: You were quick to add that caveat! Honestly, that’s surprising to me, you all don’t strike me as fans of the ‘twang, per se. Though the banjo on “Gone Too Far” off the new record is certainly moving in that direction.

Kurtz: Well, it’s Tina who brings that. She’s the fountain of country music in our scene. It would be more of an intellectual exercise than anything. As Dragonette, we’ve existed so far outside of … If I could tell you the number of times the achingly cool music group du jour have been offended by the question “Would you like to remix Dragonette?” It’s just always seemed like we had to fight really hard to get respect in this “town.” I think it’s a bit outside the realm of possibility to work with the “achingly hip” people, so we’ll maybe just go to some old-timers to write stuff, people who truly know how to make music.

And that’s a zing against you daily special bands out there. Next, I asked Kurtz, given the band’s recent exposure on shows like CSI and The Hills, what television shows or films he foresaw his tunes playing during. And again, he had some interesting words about the industry’s hip types.

Me: What television shows or sorts of films would you like to see Dragonette tunes featured in?

Kurtz: I suppose I’d go with the shows I like to watch. I’d like to see my own song pop up on a show like Weeds, Mad Men or Breaking Bad, or one of the big fuck-off British TV shows like the Jeremy Clarkson car show. That’s top-tier. If we moved off of TV and into movies, I’d pay money to have a song in a Wes Anderson movie. We do, perhaps, really like his movies, but then again we’re probably not hip enough for that. The last time we saw him, he was with some very hip people. He was sitting with Clive Owen at some club while we were in town. Oh well, you can always dream!

And here’s hoping they don’t stop dreaming anytime soon. And please, someone, tell them they’re still “cool” – Kurtz seems on the verge of a borderline inferiority complex. Meanwhile, enjoy the download below, a sexy remix of one of my favorite tracks off Fixin To Thrill.

Download: Dragonette ‘Easy’ (Buffetlibre remix) (mp3)

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A Halloween tale, via Missed Connections

November 3, 2009 · 1 Comment

SBL0607 2 MILLS

It is no secret that I love, love, love reading Craigslist’s treasure trove of awkwardness, the Missed Connections section. So, of course, as we all continue from a weekend filled with makeup, witches’ brew and masked make-out sessions, I couldn’t resist an opportunity to round-up some of my favorite Chicago MC’s to tell a little tale of Halloween lure (in addition to sharing some tunes).

Personally, Halloween has never been a holiday I associate with wild hook-ups, but maybe that’s because my costumes are usually not of the “Sexy (Fill-in-the-Blank)” variety. I’m usually in drag, covered in grotesque makeup with stubble poking through, and this year was no exception as I took on the role of Little Edie Beale from Grey Gardens. The below characters seem to have had some good luck knocking boots, even if they had a lot of explaining to do for their mother upon their return home. Here’s hoping the fates bring these lovers back together.

Missed my chance with Mr. Franzia – m4m (Belmont/Monroe)
Date: 2009-11-01, 11:33PM CST

“I had black paint smeared on my face. I admired the intricacy of your costume: Franzia boxed wine. We made some contact on the train before both getting off at Monroe. There we kissed at a street corner, where a passing driver yelled “FAGS!” at us (just in case you didn’t notice) … Sorry for not following, but, in all honesty, I was staying with my mom (who was visiting) in a hotel. That being said, I’d love to hear from you and maybe engage in some out-of-the-box conversation.”

ms wonderland left wondering? – w4m – 20 (in tinley)
Date: 2009-11-02, 2:40AM CST

“ok so i went 2 a halloween party with a gf and i was the sexy ms. wonderland girl. i was soooooooooooo wasted n u were so much fun and we ended up being naughty but i don’t remember most of it lol. u had on a dark costume not sure what it was though dah? well i have a bf so i guess it had 2 b a one time thing, just wanted 2 say if u ever read this i was the small blond who u helped have a really fun halloween!”

The outlaw Josey Wales – m4m (near loop)
Date: 2009-11-01, 6:47PM CST

“To the outlaw Josey Wales: it was so hot to watch you polishing your gun. A nice long gun, with a big thick barrel and a nice head to it. I can still taste that ammunition dripping into my mouth.”

Of course, since these are Missed Connections, after all, not all of these rendezvous were as successful. Lesson be learned: Be sure to carefully stow your beloved university-provided metro card when going home with handsome men in “dark costumes.”

Halloween Party then Your Apt – w4m (lincoln park area)
Date: 2009-11-02, 10:28AM CST

“Friday I was beligerent, I apologize. I dont remember practically anything when we got to your apt, let alone how we did till my friend filled me in. Uhh yah I lost my Upass at your place did you find it??? That would bloow if I have to find another one. Ps. “my buldge” seeing I was spider man is in your room too, white/pink soccer socks? Yeah, well I’m sorry for being a slob, im sure i was a huge one. But on the bright side I do think your adorable!”

Georgia at Halloween Church Party – m4w
Date: 2009-11-02, 5:15PM CST

“I was the Chaplin with whom you danced. I got swept up into an evening of events that now seem unreal. If you find this, please shoot me an email. I’d love to see you again and take you dancing.
Take Care

A Somewhat Silent Man”

oh, pinnochio – m4w (subterranean)
Date: 2009-11-01, 11:24AM CST

“that little boy look didn’t fool me, you were smoking hot. i never made it to the hideout, but i did spend a more than a few minutes thinking about what it would be like giving it to a puppet that wants to be a real boy, but is actually the hottest little girl in the room.”

But, I think the most important lesson from all of this is to watch out for each other. Halloween is a time for all of us to come together and bask in the ridiculousness of it all. And protect each other from violent religious leaders. Especially if you’re dressed as a pop diva.

Kid that got hit by the pope at Evil Olive – w4m – 21 (Evil Olive)
Date: 2009-11-01, 9:19AM CST

“Lady GaGa wants to make sure you’re ok.”

VAGUELY AUTUMNAL AUDIO MIX:

Download: Ramona Falls ‘I Say Fever’ (mp3) (+++)
Download: Florence and the Machine ‘Drumming’ (mp3) (+++)
Download: Crystal Waters ‘Gypsy Woman’ (Sharps Remix) (mp3)
Download: Squirrel Nut Zippers ‘Hell’ (mp3)
Download: Silversun Pickups ‘Booksmart Devil’ (mp3)
Download: Kate Bush ‘Get Out of My House’ (mp3)
Download: My Gold Mask ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ (mp3)
Download: Cold Cave ‘Youth and Lust’ (mp3) (+++)

(+++) denotes high levels of recommendation.

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This one time, I… Grew a mustache

August 23, 2009 · 2 Comments

Ever since I first viewed the phrase on a souvenir t-shirt in the Wisconsin Dells at a young age, one personal mantra – that I’d “try anything once” - has stuck with me. The mantra has resulted in experiences of varying degrees of success. [On a scale of 1-10: a night out at the race track (1), dating a woman (1.5), working as a magician's assistant for a week (5), eating a fried cheese curd (10).] But no matter what the rating, each experience certainly taught me something new and did not result in life-threatening circumstances (with the possible exception of the excessive fumes and nightly crashes at the Lake Geneva race track).

Therefore, in the spirit of lifelong learning [all the rage in these recession-riddled days, I hear], arrives the latest installment of this blog: “This one time, I…” Here, I will recount something I did during that past week/month/unspecified period of time I’d never done before. With pictures. First-hand accounts. Maybe even video or animated GIFs (you could be so lucky). Finally, for you Thievy McMusicPirates out there, there will be themed music mixes. It will be fun, I promise: TAKE THE CANDY. So, without further ado…

I grew a mustache.

Well, to be completely accurate, I trimmed my existing facial hair (which tends to be quite bountiful) into a mustache. It was something that always seemed like a good idea at the time, but alas, I lacked the bravery to walk about town sprouting a cookieduster. A flavor saver. A mouth brow. Until recently.

The product of a curious Friday night trim session resulted in a weekend-long case study into the discrimination faced by sporters of the pushbroom.

The product of a curious Friday night trim session resulted in a weekend-long case study into the discrimination faced by sporters of the pushbroom.

As I stared back in the mirror at what I’d done, I wondered if friends would treat me the same. If passers-by on the street would gawk. If my family would still love me. With a deep sigh, I turned away from the mirror and headed out the door to face the world I expected to shun me and my facial transgression.

As it turned out, besides a startled baby and an overly-friendly bear bartender, my mustache did not result in any unusual treatment. In fact, I could feel peoples’ eyes look at me with a fresh curiosity, a stirring interest. Historically, commanding officers of the military; like General Lew Wallace; strangely appealing pop stars of the ’70s and ’80s; including Freddie Mercury and Frank Zappa; and eccentric filmmakers enjoyed a certain air of reverie surrounding their ’stache-wearing ways. And the Mario Bros. had a pretty phenomenal run. Perhaps, based on the results of this study, it could be argued that the well-documented cultural enchantment with the mustache lives on to the present day. Therefore (this is the thesis):

Operation StacheGrow: A success. But would I do it again?

Operation StacheGrow = A success.

But, would I do it again, you ask? I can’t say I’d be in the quickest of hurries. In the end, my Diet Coke still tasted the same, the CTA was still dirty and the music in Boystown remained ear-bustingly loud. Despite the undeniable cult following my ’stache enjoyed during its 2.5 days of existence, I still felt one pair of overly-large, “ironically-hip” glasses away from looking 100 percent creeptastic.

What I don't want to look like in fifteen years.

What I don't want to look like in fifteen years.

I’ll certainly keep it in mind if I ever become a pop star in need of a PR booster, a la John Oates’ “Ride the Mustache/J-Stache” campaign and its blog, Facebook page, Twitter feed and video series. Apparently Oates, er, J-Stache wants to “tame Leslie Feist’s shrew.” Which level of this statement do you find to be creepiest?

All told, I think this experiment has stirred a rediscovered admiration of the mustache to me. As the great lesbian philosopher Sheryl Concrowcious once said, “if it makes you happy, it can’t be so bad.” Despite carrying stigma in certain sub-communities, it has served as a symbol of manhood, virility and fuzziness for centuries – the first mustache – worn by a Scythian horseman – was documented in 300 BC. That’s before Jesus, therefore I believe it deserves our respect, honor and possibly its own religion. Or, at the very least, a photo montage. Below are a few of my favorite ’staches through history, in addition to a little mini-mix for your ears (you know, the things on your face located directly to the left and right of your muzzy).

Discussion questions: Have you ever worn a mustache? Do you know someone who has? Do you plan to some day? Would you describe yourself as a Geraldo Rivera fan?

MUSTACHE MIX-A-LOT – A tribute to Nose Neighbors and Those Who Pull Them Off:

Download: Hall & Oates ‘Private Eyes’ (mp3)
Download: Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head ‘Beard Lust’ (mp3)
Download: SSION ‘Street Jizz’ (mp3)
Download: Islands ‘Creeper’ (mp3)
Download: Queen ‘Good Company’ (mp3)
Download: Patrick Wolf ‘The Hairy Song’ (mp3)

Or, download the whole mix.

FuManchu

fridakahlo mario

john-waters

john-oates

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Career counseling

June 12, 2009 · 2 Comments

[Below is another tiny excerpt from my novel project - Wonderland. This post serves as a tribute to the modern, post-recession job hunt. For those job seekers out there, find a handy, middle school-esque career quiz at the end of the post. It's simple: Download each of the songs loosely based on an occupation. If you like the song, that means that you should pursue that career. Yes, it's that easy! Enjoy, and hang in there, job hunters.]

Pen against face = anxious job hunter? Maybe. They look like Vampire Weekend.

Pen against face = anxious job hunter? Maybe. They look like Vampire Weekend.

I’m a perfectionist.

What do you consider to be your biggest weakness?

Really, honestly. What is it?

And I’m not talking about the stock answer that you provide in every job interview – you know, one of the following required responses, all of which can actually be spun into positive things: “Sometimes, I don’t take enough time for myself, because I work too hard… Sometimes, I care too much… Sometimes, I’m too much of a team player.”

My biggest weakness at the moment, as it seemed as I was getting dressed before hopping on the train en route to my interview downtown, was being able to find a matching shirt and pants that were (a) clean, (b) not wrinkled and (c) coordinated with the one suit jacket I owned. Deciding that the slightly crinkled pale blue shirt would do, I headed out to the train station in a dash, convinced that I would be late.

Interview number one, as it turned out, was for a canvassing director position with an environmental non-profit organization, Green Illinois. The position did not pay well and demanded long, exhausting hours and I doubted that I would accept an offer even if it were granted to me. That said, I figured that it was worth the practice, and I was certainly not in a position to be turning down interviews from anywhere, anyone.

But then again, a job is a job…

Ding. Daydream over. I was now in an ornately-decorated elevator and had arrived at the floor of the office where I was to be meeting with Harrison Davis, an executive with a sister organization of Green Illinois’.

As I stepped out of the elevator, I glanced at my phone – 2:54 p.m. Six minutes to spare! Walking into the office, a group of three casually-dressed possible environmentalists turned simultaneously toward me with looks of disdain at being interrupted.

“Hi,” I said, with my voice cracking. “I’m here for the – the interview with – um, Harrison. About the canvass director position that you, or, the Fund has an op–”

“Interviewers go over there,” said a brunette wearing trendy Dolce & Gabbana frames a tight-fitting gray cashmere sweater, tweed skirt and hooker boots. She did not seem to be impressed by my inability to spit out a complete sentence explaining my presence in the office.

I walked past the cubicles and piles of boxes of sheets of paper and approached Harrison Davis, a somewhat gawky, awkward-looking man with short mousey brown hair, wearing a gray pinstriped suit and a purple striped tie. His initial expression toward me was only slightly less annoyed than the welcoming committee head that I’d encountered upon entering the office. I sat down on a metal folding chair after handing over a clean copy of my resume.

He looked it over pseudo-pensively for several seconds before launching his first question.

“So, it looks like you don’t have any direct campaign experience here. What makes you think you can just walk in here and do this job? Do you understand that this is difficult work?”

“Well, yes, I understand that there are a lot of responsibilities involved in the position, and that it is probably quite challenging…” I began as Harrison sliced a hole through my forehead with his menacing stare. “When I was in my undergrad in Madison, I learned several lessons right away, while trying to balance school, work, internships and volunteer work. First of all, it was that priotizing was crucial. Second, that sometimes you need to ask for help and build coalitions. For example, in one of my jobs…”

“No, I mean, you can’t just waltz in here and think that just anyone can do this,” he continued, staring at the wall while avoiding my eye contact until he suddenly shifted his gaze back in my direction. “Really, what skills do you have?”

“I have good organizational skills, can run meetings, have recruitment experience…” I slowly realized that I was growing increasingly sweaty – I felt my chair sink in the floor as I faced cross-examination from the defense stand. “And on my resume you’ll notice the computer programs I’m familiar with are quite numerous. And –”

“OK, OK – Got it, you’re not a moron. Super.”

“Um, yeah, I guess,” I replied, as face deepened to a medium shade of pink. “I mean, what I’m getting at is that I have employed many leadership skills in my previous positions, actually including quite a bit of volunteer and intern coordination, in addition to fundraising and team-building. I–”

“Okay, well… I have a meeting coming up, so let’s just get this over with. Would you relocate?”

“Honestly, probably not,” burst the words from my mouth before I had even given them a thought. I began to sweat. My face: From pink to a light red – what shade would they call that? Suddenly, the job I was barely sure I even wanted in the first place seemed bigger than the room. Bigger than the entire high-rise office tower. Bigger than the world. “I mean, I just moved here from Madison and have a one-year lease I was planning to live out. I live in Andersonville, it’s a really nice neighborhood and–”

“Right, right. We’ll see what we can do. How about you fill out this informational sheet. Be sure to list the places you would be willing to relocate to right here. I’m sure we’ll be calling you later this week, I think you’d be perfect for this job.”

“Oh, um, thank you.” Confused.

“Yeah. You can show yourself out. Nice… meeting you.”

He tentatively extended his hand while standing up, before leaving the room.

The next day I was offered the job for which I was (apparently) completely unqualified for.

Maybe it was pity, or maybe it was a fluke, but whatever the case may have been, I turned down the offer for a position entailing 70+ hour work weeks and a fair share of street canvassing, which is only a few steps above panhandling.

CAREER QUIZ MIX — The song you like most represents your ideal future career! (Sorry, no one sings about accountants..)

Download: St. Vincent ‘Actor Out of Work’ (mp3)
Download: Garotas Suecas ‘Ghostwriter’ (mp3)
Download: The Barmitzvah Brothers ‘Thrift Store Owner’ (mp3)
Download: Final Fantasy ‘The Butcher’ (mp3)
Download: M. Ward ‘Underaker’ (mp3)
Download: Tori Amos ‘Waitress’ (Live in Chicago, 11/6/07) (mp3)

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