Chew your way to a skinny new you!

Time to add one more thing to the ever-growing list of things that Europeans do better than Westerners. Now — just below fashion design, filmmaking and cooking — is the latest addition: Weight loss.

According to an article published in the January 12 issue of the British Medical Journal, a 21-year-old woman and 46-year-old man each chewed over 15 sticks of sugarless, sorbitol-sweetened gum daily, leading to diahrrea of epic proportions. The woman lost 24 pounds, while the man lost 46.

Sorbitol is rarely (if at all) used by American gum companies, who typically use aspartame or saccharin, so this new isn’t really relevant to Yankee gum-chewers, which makes this news somewhat bittersweet for me. Seriously. Pro: Losing dozens of holiday pounds. Con: Ten bowel movements daily. It’s honestly a toss-up.

In the meantime, I’ll stick to my usual, weightloss-less choice of American gum:

Unicorns won’t make you shit your pants.

And how about an aptly-named Kate Nash download, while we’re at it?

Download: Kate Nash ‘Shit Song’

In other news, babies were popping out like… rabbit… babies over the past few days in Hollywood. Pop diva supreme Christina Aguilera gave birth to son Max Liron Bratman on Saturday evening, the first born son with her hubbie of two years, music executive Jordan Bratman. Less talented socialite Nicole Richie also popped one out, a daughter named Harlow Winter Kate Madden, on Friday. Harlow is the first born child of Richie and B.F. Joel Madden, of Good Charlotte fame.

As much as I am ashamed to say that the first concert that I ever attended was a Good Charlotte/Simple Plan double bill at The Rave in Milwaukee almost a decade ago, Madden was one of my first guy-crushes back in the middle school, coming-to-terms-with-gayness days, and I’ll always feel a tiny twinge of excitement when I hear his name. Plus, he occasionally cleans up into a GQ-esque, respectable chap.

He cleans up nice, doesn’t he?

*Le sigh*

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