Monthly Archives: November 2007

An inspiration to us all…

Posted on November 28, 2007 | 2 Comments

This week has gotten off to a stressful start, getting back into the swing of things after the holiday break and taking care of hiring for my job at the LGBT Campus Center. I’m terrifyingly behind on research for a directed study and am taking care of all sorts of final details for December 7′s Drag Against AIDS show at Great Hall. It’s hectic, crazy and I’m increasingly unsure that I will be able to take care of everything that needs to be finished before my second-to-last undergraduate semester’s end — in two and a half weeks.

Off the heels of a 7:30 AM staff meeting, I took a gander at the news wire and found inspiration from an unexpected source.

Perseverance, virtue personified

Miss Puerto Rico insists outfit, makeup tainted
“Newly crowned Miss Puerto Rico Ingrid Marie Rivera insisted in an exclusive interview Wednesday that she wasn’t just imagining the redness, itching and swelling she says she experienced during last week’s pageant in San Juan.

…

‘When you got a will, there’s a way,’ Rivera said. ‘With God in my mind, I block myself from anything negative that could pass through my mind. Give me the will and give me the faith and I’ll go on with it.’”

This Drop Dead Gorgeous nightmare-come-true is a testament to a human spirit. The link above includes a video clip of Rivera’s eye-opening exclusive interview from the Today show, and I highly It’s about time that beauty contestants start standing up against this sort of inhumanity. I mean, no matter what I will go through in life, I will never know the agonizing pain of being crowned Miss Puerto Rico and earning a ticket to Donald Trump’s Miss World contest with fugly, itchy redness all over my body from an unidentified “Jello-ish” substance. I’ll never know what it feels like to have other beauty queens jealous of me to the point of sabotage. I don’t know who has experienced a hard-knockier life: Orphan Annie or Innie.

What lessons can we take from this heinous tragedy? Firstly, the time has finally come for us to recognize the need for some sort of benefit fund for other itchy beauty queens around the world. This is a growing problem, and it’s not going to get better on its own.

This also shows all of you doubters that the WAR ON TERROR is far from over. The enemy has realized what is nearest and dearest to our hearts, and this infiltration needs to be brought down. In addition to arming our nation’s beauty queens with ointments and topical treatments, I would suggest that we re-evaluate our country’s points of weaknesses. I want to see ground forces outside of Beyonce’s crib and paratroopers roaming the streets of West Hollywood with L.C… Who knows where the terrorists will draw the line.

God bless Amurrika.

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How to win an election

Posted on November 27, 2007 | Leave a comment

On the way back toward the Union between classes this afternoon, I stopped in at Ingraham Hall to use the bathroom. Shortly after approaching the urinal and unzipping, I heard a voice behind me proclaim, “Why hello there young sir, my name is Professor Smith and I’m here to teach today’s lesson on human anatomy.”

I looked to my right at my new pee neighbor and my eyes were set upon a slightly disheveled fellow twentysomething. Even though the look was only passing, I caught the slightly crazed glint in his eye.

“That’s funny.”

“Oh, I’m only kidding. But you know what I’m not kidding about? The farce of global warning. Al Gore has the motive to make it all up. Look at him, all over the Oscars, and the Emmys… He just is looking to make a run toward the 2012 election.”

“You don’t say?”

“Yep, he’s just in it for the fame. You just wait and see. Have a nice day now.”

You know, I haven’t stayed up on the research and data on the issue as well as I should have, but regardless, this guy was clearly a little nuts. As much as I despise the highly gendered machoism behind the code of silence in the men’s restroom… Sometimes, it really would have been better off that way. Oh wellz.

Besides, if Al Gore truly wanted to build his resume for a true run at stardom in this day in age, he’s going about it completely wrong. He should follow the example of Connie Talbot, the 3-foot-9-inch-tall, 6-year-old Bri’ish pixie who dominated the scene overseas on ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ and releases her debut album, ‘Over the Rainbow’ this week. This cherub’s too busy collecting her millions to make her Christmas list, much less worry about some piddly-diddly global warming “crisis.” Check out her heartstring-tugging performance of a homo classic from last summer’s show below.

Obvie, the way to truly win the heart of a nation is through girlish charm, not through hardly-groundbreaking research or lowly Nobel Peace Prizes. Everyone knows that. I mean Al Baby…

Awkwhurrd politco iz awkwhurrd.

Not to be a hater, I think you really could use a little more activity to get the swing back in your step, based on this photo from Georgie’s Tupperware party at the Oval Office earlier today. Perhaps a stint on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ would do the trick? Maybe some of the 2008 candidates could do the same? Hilary dueling it out on ‘Tila Tequila’? Barack representing on ‘Real World’? The possibilities of reality television stardom are endless, Washington. Endless.

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Posted in music, politics

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Let’s give thanks

Posted on November 26, 2007 | 1 Comment

Thanksgiving has always been a strange holiday to me. The entire concept of the holiday seems to be centered on the overeating of not-really-that-tasty-in-the-first-place bird, and that’s about it. Sure, sure, it’s a nice time to relax with family and catch up with friends while taking a few days away from the daily grind, but why turkeys? Why cranberry sauce? But above all, why the hell was Dolly Parton pulled out from under her bridge to perform for Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade?

Put the turkey back in, it’s NOT DONE YET.

Won’t somebody please think of the millions of children watching this parade and waiting innocently for a giant Shrek balloon to come bouncing across their television screen? I mean, I loved ’9 to 5′ just as much as any budding ‘mo back in the day but… Gurl looked terrifying. And where her Chia pets always so.. well-watered?

I arrived in Lake Geneva from Madison on Wednesday evening, and after checking in with the folks, met a dude from Myspace for coffee, followed by a movie — ‘Hitman.’ The film was fairly pedestrian all around and probably not worth the $8, though I enjoyed the Mila Jovovich-esque slutty Russian character. Driving home that night, snow flurries steadily fell and it was quite a beautiful night in combination with the nearly full moon.

The next day was family time, and I spent much of it feigning interest in football. I think that will always be something that I just don’t “get.” As for the dude, we met again on Friday and made out in his mother’s basement for a few hours while listening to Christmas music on the radio. Oh, the joys of feeling seventeen all over again. The highlight of the evening had to have been when said bachelor informed me that his mother wasn’t all that comfortable with her son dating men, so “if [I] could say as little as possible when meeting her, that would be great.” Because, ya know, my voice emits a low frequency of gay waves that only mothers and some breeds of dog can detect. As it turned out, I chatted Mama up quite a bit before leaving.. Joe 1, Socially constructed homophobia 0.

Fast forward to Saturday evening and I was back in Madison, drinking pinot grigio out of single-serve, Hi-C-esque boxes with a klan of my favorite lesbians before hitting up Genna’s and Shamrock. The adult juicebox, at last.. thank you, Target. It was a perfect way to bring the weekend to a close.

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Why you don’t piss off lesbians… especially Aussie lesbians…

Posted on November 26, 2007 | 2 Comments

Women killed ‘irritating’ girl, 16
“Two young women have admitted cold-bloodedly killing a 16-year-old girl because she irritated them.

They dumped Stacey Mitchell’s body in a wheelie bin and were still debating the merits of using chainsaws and lime to dispose of her body when they were arrested in Perth days later.

Jessica Ellen Stasinowsky, 20, and her girlfriend Valerie Paige Parashumti, 19, pleaded guilty to the wilful murder in Perth Magistrates Court.”

I don’t have anything too intelligent to say as a comment on this, except for day-um.. If I stuck everyone in a wheelbarrel that “irritated” me, I would have run out years ago. It’s just not economical, ladies.

And this quote from one of the killers REALLY gets me:

“No one should destroy your happiness and you should kill anyone who does.”

Um, seriously?

On a lighter note, last Wednesday evening at approximately 9:02 PM central time, the nationwide gaygasm was palpable as the two divalicious icons of gay culuture below shared the silver screen on ‘Project Runway.’

OMGZ!!!

Even the contestants themselves (particularly the ‘mos, i.e. half the cast) could barely hold it together as SJP walked through the door into the Parsons workroom, and it was frickin’ adorable. And I must add that Victorya’s gorgeous convection of a design has chalked her as an early favorite in my book. It was a perfect match for the Bitten line and will almost certainly sell to women of all types.

8e8gs5t.jpg

Magnifique.

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I’m Not Sarah Jessica Parker

Posted on November 26, 2007 | Leave a comment

No, I’m not an actress-singer-dancer-singer-songwriter-performer. No, my hair is not blonde and no, my net worth does not rival most third-world countries’ GDPs. No, I do not have an agent, nor am I especially talented at anything in particular. I am a white, twenty-something queer male living, learning and loving in the quaint, liberal Midwestern bubble of Madison, Wisconsin. I am perpetually single, unabashedly sarcastic and a wannabe socialite. I live for music and culture, the shading that provide extra color to our everyday existence and provide an outlet from the humdrum. I’m speeding toward completing an undergraduate degree that opens the door to both uncertainty and possibility.

This blog is about my adventure. Not to land The Perfect Job. Not to meet Mr. Right. And most certainly not to Change the World. This is not about learning from life’s mistakes, becoming a better person or providing a window into my soul. Rather, this is a blog about all of those awkward little moments in life that you almost wish never happened, but that you can’t help but smile about. This blog is the contrived hug with an estranged ex. This blog is your newly-coffee-stained scarf to start out a Monday morning. This blog is the blind date that would have been better spent alone watching a Lifetime movie on the couch.

I know what you’re probably thinking — Hasn’t this been done before? Isn’t that quite Carrie Bradshaw of you? Who cares any way? My answers to all of these questions would be the same: I really don’t care. This is my life, and these are my thoughts.

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Posted in life